言语虐待者所说和所做的事情

我刚看完这些评论，它真的改变了我的生活。我已经忍受我丈夫的言语虐待两年了，一直相信他会改变。只需要一个针尖就能激怒他，小事情，比如我被石头绊倒了，他就会说:“你真是个愚蠢的婊子，你他妈的婊子，为什么你他妈的不能照顾好自己，而不是这么他妈的愚蠢?!”我不知道我他妈为什么要嫁给你，但你是我他妈认识的最愚蠢的人。”还有其他同样可怕的事情。我是一个很容易相处的人，所以坦率地说，他会这样称呼我，我很震惊。另外，我知道他尽他所能爱我，但我厌倦了如履薄冰地试图平息他的小愤怒问题。婚姻是一个严肃的承诺，我从来没有想过我会违背这个承诺，但他让我别无选择。我们什么都试过了，我甚至强迫他接受愤怒管理，但他从来没有认真对待过。当他生气的时候，他对我说话的方式毫无防备，他没有过滤器。他想到什么伤人的话就说什么。 The weird thing is, 90% of the time we have what can be classified as the 'perfect' relationship, but that ten percent has completely sent our marriage into the craphole. No one would want to live the rest of their life trying to not piss off their partner in their relationship, and I am definitely not the type of girl to get walked on. I would also NEVER put my children through what he puts me through, and I am not taking any more chances or giving him any more leeway. I am a beautiful, smart girl, and I don't need any man in my life to tell me otherwise. Thank you for the courage, Healthy Place. I am leaving him in four days. Good luck to all you ladies with a similar situation, I hope you find a way to solve the problem.

我丈夫说我不懂工作，他也不给我钱。我感觉被困在这里了!

我讨厌我的生活，我没有自尊，我感到无助，绝望，我甚至不展望未来。我已经结婚2年了，有人叫我胖光头，有人说我长得像一头野兽，甚至有好几次我被扑上去了。有人说我是个妓女，还有很多人这样说……在阅读这篇博客时，我能与你们所有人产生共鸣，我祈祷我们都能得到帮助并摆脱困境。

我已经和我的第二任丈夫结婚10年了。当我们相遇的时候，一切就像魔法一样流淌，性爱是不可思议的。这些年来我们经历了很多，因为我们都和以前的感情分开了，他是前女友，我是前夫。我们都在争夺孩子的抚养权。他的前任让他经历了很多痛苦，甚至试图申请限制令让他见不到他的孩子，以虚假指控把他关进监狱，离开州一年多不让他见他的孩子。我和他一起经历了这一切，甚至经历了更多，破产，失去双胞胎，等等。他第一次把手放在我身上是在我18岁的时候，因为我弯腰时丁字裤露出了裤子。他在我穿着裤子的时候把裤子扯了下来，吓得我发疯，他把我推到厨房地板上，压在我身上抓住我的衬衫前襟抓我的胸口，一边打我，一边咒骂我，而我18个月大的孩子站在旁边看着。他当然道歉了，我们谈过了，我觉得没关系。和大多数夫妻一样，我们聊天，给对方讲生活中的故事。 Bad idea , he uses them against me yet some of mine are nowhere near as bad as his. He slept with his wife's best friend in the rm next to his own rm while his wife was sleeping. As years went buy trust on both parts has decreased. What increased has been his verbal abuse. I'm fat, ugly,lazy, whore,bitch, stupid,cunt,immature,bad mom, and more. I admit I'm not innocent I've made mistakes and he reminds me every chance he gets. Especially when he gets caught doing something that according to him is cheating if I do it, like tonight it will be the second time I found texts to his ex that put him through hell, he's called her naughty girl, reminded her of past events, and when he could just answer in one word about his picking up his kid he goes on and on chatting. She was sick and he sympathized asking if she was okay . He found out she drinks Jameson whiskey so he bought some to try. Anytime he us reminded he is just as guilty as other people he calls me out of name, he has punched and hit me, broken my phone slamming it into a wall, thrown glasses at me with whiskey in them making imprints in walls and punch the bathroom wall making a hole, through the years. It amazes me because he has told me he wanted this girl dead and now he loves texting her. He always apologizes shortly after especially if he can't sleep saying I have to help him sleep. He's held me next to him with force before as well.hell say he didn't mean those thing he said he was angry and it wont happen again but it does every time he's angry I'm a fat nasty lazy cunt bitch stupid whore. What should I think about his new obsession with his ex , he says hes not doing anything wrong but he got so mad she he realized I knew he was still texting her more than he should. Tomorrow hel go to work without saying anything to me , may or may not text or call me meanwhile he may text her because were picking up his daughter for our weekend, and when he comes home everything will still be my fault, if I hadn't made mistakes and been a bitch whore blah blah or the other act as tho he never did anything and my feelings shouldn't be hurt.

就像所有在搜索框中输入这个主题的人一样……我在这里。我想对你们大喊“滚出去”，但是……我发现我是我们中的一员。说起来容易做起来难，对吧?我们想留下来，因为我们爱他们，因为我们是正常人，而他们有问题……然而，也许我们有一些问题让我们看不到真相……又或许我们确实看到了真相，但我们不愿承认，因为现实太痛苦了。
我和施虐者在一起15年了。我被打过，被唾弃过，被骂过书里的每一个名字，被操纵进他的“游戏”，让我觉得自己不如一个人，让我觉得我是那个疯狂和错误的人。我不照镜子，我不为自己做任何事以免被称为自私，我不像以前那样照顾自己，因为如果我这样做，我会被大喊大叫，贬低和操纵。我有一头天然的卷发，如果你们当中有人有的话，你们就知道在潮湿的环境里有多难受。我今天把头发拉直了，他骂我是妓女，还告诉我和他在一起的时候永远不要把头发弄成那样。所以他是健美者，当然可以看起来完美....公平的,对吧?他说他想让我找别人，他说我傻，说我什么都不懂。我想去教堂，他告诉我他要去赛马(那里所有的女人都不穿衣服)。他用它来对付我，控制我的行为。 He also uses gas-lighting to make me feel crazy. (if you don't know what that is, do a search on it, it may make you feel much better!)
我有点想结束这一切…希望能找回我失去的15年我没有朋友，也没有家人(当然，除了他的家人)，如果我做了他不喜欢的事，我就会被操纵成他想要的样子。但是，像其他人一样……我爱他。真的。我看到他的病，但我希望他能得到帮助。在我的生命中，我唯一能与之交谈的人就是上帝。他听到了我的声音，我感觉好多了。也许这是我的选择… and if that is the case, then I will know the right time, and then God will give me the strength to do so. I as am without answers as anyone else is who is "in" it.. I do read Isaiah 41:8-21... and it helps me feel better and not so alone.
这种伤害是强烈的，我不知道我是否还能恢复正常。我曾经爱别人，外向，热爱生活。现在我孤身一人，不敢和任何人说话(否则我就会惹上麻烦)，我讨厌我的存在。我会继续努力，直到找到答案。但我发现，也许答案并不是我想听到的……那我就得做出选择了
我为所有在我之前写过书的人感到心碎……我不会觉得很疯狂，不会觉得“这是我自己”。谢谢你的诚实和坦率。小心……这并不容易，也不安全。尽你所能做出最好的判断，克服恐惧和自我怀疑，尽你所能做到最好。我们聪明，我们勇敢……我们现在只有一只赢了的野兽。但我们能活下来…不断寻求帮助和肯定。 We'll eventually find the courage and hope to do what we need to do and what is best for us and most importantly, for our kids.

我有男朋友了。我们在网上认识，但还没见过面。不过我们有计划。唯一的问题是，每当他生我的气时，他就不停地叫我的名字，就像现在一样，他多次因为一个简单的错误叫我婊子，他妈的混蛋和傻瓜，我甚至不知道这个错误会让他生气，因为我说的话从来没有任何意思。他也总是说他会离开很多次，但有几天他让我不要离开他。我有点糊涂了。我爱他，我保证过不会离开他。我不知道该有什么感觉，因为这种事每天都在发生。

我完全了解其中一些女性的感受……我很难离开虐待我的人……我丈夫骂我的名字(猪，婊子，傻逼，****，这个名单还在继续)……他总是对我大喊大叫，把我打倒，打我……他老是欺负我，缠着我不放。我们度蜜月时他打了我一顿，还让我难堪。他当着其他游客的面骂我，还在我走开的时候朝我扔石头……我们穿过一条主街时，他跟在我后面，把杯子扔在我身上。这太丢脸了，我说婊子滚出去，所以我不得不自己走回酒店……我每天都能讲很多故事，但我感觉被困住了…… I have a chronic pain and other problems that keep me down but I can't rest cause if I do he will say I'm lazy or I'm lying... Tonight we were working on a project and he cursed me out and I went inside before he embarrassed me infront of our neighbors... Any advice...

嗨，我正在阅读所有这些帖子，可以与这些情况有关。我现在的恋爱对象，我认为他是个情感虐待者。我们在一起5年了。我们在网上认识的，他看起来是个好人。我们约会了，一年后他终于搬来和我一起住。从那时到现在，事情发生了变化。他不断地说我胖，说我丑，说我白痴，说我蠢，他说的话不胜枚举。最初，这个称呼让我崩溃。我从来没有被骂过这么多难听的名字。现在我听到他们的名字，我不会让他们影响到我。 I know I'm not a stupid person. I'm actually quite intelligent. I don't know if he'll ever change? I'm just tired of all the BS! I'm sick of all this mess!! There's a part of me that wants to breakup but then there's a part of me that doesn't. I know I don't deserve the way he treats me. I tell him if he continues to treat me this way, I'll just break up. He always tells me to go ahead and break up. He says its no big deal for him. He says he'll be ok. He's never told me he loves me and he says we are not in a relationship like I think we are? I'm confused by that? He tells me how unhappy he is and we don't go out anywhere because he doesn't want to be seen with me. I'm don't know what else to do. I mean, I do know what to do but just need to get the courage to do it.

嗨，我读了你写的所有东西，就我而言，我不会说它有那么糟糕或身体上的问题。我和这个女孩约会了四年半，我不明白的是，在最初的两年半里，她很好，甜蜜，浪漫，有趣，和她在一起很有趣，一切都开始改变，就像她的态度发生了基本的变化。我一直在问她为什么变化这么大，但她总是告诉我同样的事情，那就是我不知道为什么我这么做。我的意思是，我知道她生活在一个不正常的家庭，她的妈妈是个酒鬼，她的爸爸和多个女人出轨，照顾他们的孩子，但他/她从来没有真正的我们在她身边。当我第一次听到这句话的时候，我的心都碎了，但问题是她在每件小事上都用这句话，她有一半拉丁血统，一半意大利血统，但我一直告诉她这不是原因……我开始认为她可能有愤怒的问题或其他什么，因为她有一个明显的问题。每当我问一个问题，或者想要谈谈我或她的感受时，她就会非常生气，斥责我，然后离开，不理我的电话和短信。她总是那么刻薄和冷漠，她不表现出任何感情，她偶尔会表现出来，但不像正常的夫妻，尽管我很肯定我离正常的关系还很远。所以我基本上什么都不能问，她总是有借口不回答我，骂我……有很多东西吃起来都是错误的，但我会一直写下去，哈哈，我是一个敏感的人，我很关心别人，尽管我看起来不是这样的…… Like we tried breaking up but she came back crying begging me and well apparently I got no balls so I accepted her back.. It worked sure for a day then she'd be back to her normal self.. she basically says on a text she sent me one night "your leaving yes I know but anyways you'll be back lol so yay night" she just keeps playing with me basically knowing im sensitive and serious about our relationship yet she just keeps telling me off and playing with me and gets mad and moody whenever she doesn't get what she wants... ( by the way sorry if it isn't clear I just needed to say this even though nobody really gives a #:-@ I'm just tired of this it's my first relationship, I never had a girlfriend I'm 21 and I thought she was the one but everyday is just like hell on earth with her... I'm sorry for what I'm going to say but if she always tells me off I'll just have to say this life is a bitch and I'mf@cking约会……我是一个非常安静的人，我不太擅长和女孩相处。我很幸运能找到这么漂亮的女孩，但我想这太好了，不可能是真的……: /

今天早些时候，我试图得到一笔贷款，这样我就可以偿还贷款并获得信贷。我丈夫很兴奋地把它扔在我的脸上，他要帮我得到这笔贷款，他的祖母将共同签署。基本上，她没有成功是因为她在预算中没有赚到足够的钱。我22岁了，没有信用。不管怎样，他对我说GD每个人都怎么了wtf，然后继续尖叫和咒骂。我一直保持冷静，试图让他冷静下来，但他挂断了我的电话。顺便说一句，他在阿富汗，他在海外并不是他表现得那么轻松的原因，他在离开之前就已经这样了。不管怎样，我们挂了电话，我给他发信息说“没错，都是我的错，把气撒在我身上”，回复说“闭嘴，你那愚蠢可悲的混蛋**** @$$ up，除非我先跟你说点什么，否则别跟我说话”。他总是说这样的话，我问他在某些情况下我能做什么，这样他就不会对我发脾气，他只是说别惹我生气。他完全控制了我，他指责我和两个不同的老板上床，这太荒谬了，因为他们比我大得多，对我没有吸引力，而且我结婚了，他们也结婚了。我不想离开他。 I feel like I've tried everything to fix things. I moved away from my friends and family to live near his family so now I'm here all by myself in a house thats falling completely apart, that he hasn't even lived with me in because i moved in the day after he left. I've made so many sacrifices to be with him and he doesn't even acknowledge it. He calls me stupid every day, the other day he said your just like all the other sluts I've been with, He's always threatening leaving me like i got rid of my car because he wad going to crap before i moved here now I'm driving his, He threatened to leave me with nothing in this crappy town full of meth heads. he called earlier only after telling me to just leave him if I'm so unhappy and he said he wishes i would because he'd be much happier, He asks a question about the loan, i was so mad at this point i said why the f*** does it matter? ! Don't talk to me, he messages me saying good night sweet dreams i love you. ...right after he says how happy hew would be if i left. On a lighter note we do have good days we laughed so hard the other day he can be so sweet, funny, charming, And just make me so happy. Then he runs it. We are suppose to go on a cruise for our honeymoon, And he drops a bomb on me saying he's invited his ex gf and his best friend, who have married each other, on our cruise. I was so mad ands he couldn't wrap his head around why i was mad. Thankfully they declined, the fact he would even invite people on a trip that's suppose to be intimate ands private and celebrating our marriage....I'm running our of ideas with him. It would kill me to leave him though because even after all the terrible hurtful things he says, j love him. I xant imagine being without him. Even if i did wall away, who would be with him and put up with it?! He also had a really bad child hood his dad was an abusive controlling drunk and his mom is and has been on every drug you can think of. my dad was like that when i was little but i dont act out like that..maybe he dealt with it differently? I guess just looking for input from a stranger lol if someone even bothers to read this.

我2年的男友通常是一个相当生气的人通常不需要很多让他翻,第一个迹象是当我们在公共场合他会说奇怪的事情就像“停止说话”,那天晚上我们最终在国内他说我“我不想看着你,你厌恶我”当我去把他抓着我的胳膊,拖着我,把我在沙发上虽然他不打我我还觉得恶心,每当我哭他说:“你为什么要哭呢?”“我是个猪”“我是个荡妇”“我恨你”“我要回到我的前任身边”尽管我们现在已经道歉了，而且一切都很好，我只是担心下一次他生气的时候，他确实有很好的特质，他不同意打或强奸女人，但他说“你让我想打你”每次我提到愤怒管理时，他都不同意。

我和一个男人在一起11年了，他被虐待，而且是言语上的虐待。他跟我说过很多次他要找我。他希望我摔断脖子。他希望我死了。以前吐过我的唾沫。我上班的时候，他用衣架打了自己六岁的儿子。掐死我15岁的儿子。他吐唾沫在我妈妈脸上，因为她支持我。他对我不忠，我知道，因为他已经把性病传染给我两次了，当时他还怀着他的儿子。他说我笨，说没人会要我我有三个孩子。 He comes and goes as he wants . He drinks and does drugs his drug of choice is coke . The man is smart and has a good job . He is 36 but still goes to clubs . And he goes on date sites . I don't know why I stayed with a man like that . We just separated a month ago . And he still puts me down I think I been called so many names all the years I been with him I am scared really bad . I have never been treated so bad in my life . I don't know why I stayed and I let him get to me and my boys .

Molli，我刚看了你的帖子就哭了。我感同身受。我希望我能说我退出了，但我没有。我希望总有一天我会的。
我丈夫的咆哮和我的哭泣是一个粘稠的圈子。所以我假装没事，默默哭泣。当他在晚上大喊大叫时，我的宝贝孩子们都睡着了，我不能求他停下来，他只说我把他们当盾牌，然后继续说下去。有时还朝我扔东西，挥舞手臂。我要出去!我祈祷你也能这样做!

Rubi，生命如此短暂，但有些人却让它变得如此漫长，当你不得不处理虐待. ...请给自己一个快乐的机会，离开这个男人。到7月为止，我已经结婚25年了，有太多不愉快的时光……当我回首往事时，也有过美好的时光，比如我的孩子出生了等等。但糟糕的回忆多于美好的回忆。请不要像我一样，多年后一觉醒来发现你一直不快乐。
我认为我们女人觉得当我们不完美或不完美时，我们必须接受一些卑鄙，但上帝希望我们得到好的东西，而不是被踢来踢去。为你祈祷

我读了你写的所有东西。现在眼泪已经止住，我可以这样说了。我的声音说过很多像你列出的那样的话，在某种程度上更伤人。我妻子今年春假时离开了。从那以后，我们聊天，做爱，畅所欲言，释放被压抑的想法，甚至计划让她搬回来。然后周四，她给我发短信，要我在她的卡车票据上支付50美元。我给了她抄送号码，她取了50块。在我们的一些谈话中，她提到，很长一段时间以来，我不能或不愿意打电话看看她怎么样了。周五早上10点左右，我很高兴她表现出了感情发展的迹象，我打了个电话，打了个招呼，我在想你。谈话进行到大约3分钟后，我问她在做什么“开车”你周末要去新奥尔良哪里。 We live about an hour south of Houston Tx and 6 to 7 hours from New Orleans. As soon as she said New Orleans it felt as my heart was ripped out and I needed to vomit. I couldn't believe she less than 10 hours told me she didn't have the money to pay bills, is now on her way in her truck to South La with two girlfriends. I only took a couple minutes for the rage to take over. Over the next two days I cut losses like I had never ever done. It was gut wrench and vil to say the least. Well I work over nights and somewhere around 3am something happened inside of me. As I sat in my work truck all alone, I cried. I cried uncontrollably for a while. I had seen that my jealously of her trip blocked out my love. That feeling was worse than the one I had when she said"New Orleans ". As day break came I texted and we talked, I conveyed to her how my body was turning inside out and I had seen what I did. I have never felt gilt like this before in my life ever. We continue to talk and text. Yesterday she came to our old house, my home. We talked, we cried, we kissed. I held her so tight, and as I was I felt the ice. Our conversation continues to the point that she thinks divorce now and see where we are down the road is the best plan of action. I don't.... She has a few mental issues her self and we had already agreed that we had to fix ourselves before we could fix our marriage. Well after the asshole fest of the weekend I believe I have killed any love for me that was there. I'm not suicidal, really don't know how I will live without her. As karma gets comfortable in my life, I have been on the worst ride ever. The feeling of worthlessness, self hate, guilt, shame, and so on are so powerful I feel like I'm dieing. All I want is the opportunity to show my wife the one true love of my life how I'm not him anymore, I can confront problems without losing my cool. I'm not asking for any of you to feel anything for me, I just wanted to share the other side of this problem. I have gotten on some meds, looking down a Spiritual path, lost my fear to cry. I hope the Monster in me didn't kill the Love in her. I have no idea why I say things like I do. Been a problem for a few years but nothing on the scale it hit this past weekend. I truly have hate for my self for the things I've done.

我遇到一个家伙很甜,当我两年前见过他,但我一年前搬进了他,他打我,说这是我的错,对我大吼大叫最丑的名字和说,这是我的错,我惹他因为我不把他单独留下,但他想成为酗酒和与他的朋友但我上下甚至不能与我的家人因为他就会非常生气。

请告诉我有人已经离开并找到了幸福。
求你了，有人吗，告诉我有个人不会骂我不会让我哭。当我开始哭泣时，她不会更大声喊叫。
谁能告诉我一切都会好起来的，因为我不相信。

我受够了被我丈夫称为“唧唧歪歪的混蛋”、“废物”、“婊子”等等。他甚至当着我孩子的面这么做。不知道该怎么做，因为我的家人都住在2小时或更长时间的地方。他妈妈就住在附近，但他当着她的面做了，她什么也没说。我觉得自己很孤独，在我自己的小地狱里。

你好,
我是那种用我能想到的最难听的话辱骂我的伴侣的人。我说话前从不停下来思考。当我生气的时候，我很丑，会说很伤人的话。我男朋友一遍又一遍地告诉我要寻求帮助，我总是同意我确实需要帮助。我知道我有愤怒和怨恨的问题，我只是不知道当我心烦意乱的时候如何处理这些问题。我需要一些建议。我受够了伤害他他不应该遭受这些。他已经容忍了我这么多。我得想办法帮我自己这样我才能尊重他。我爱我的这个好男人，但我的行为和错误的行为把他推得太远了，我觉得我已经失去了他。 I am finally willing to accept the challenge I've been fighting because I'm scared to see the truth. Can someone out there share some information with me. I am desperate to change for once and for all! The people around me do not deserve this mad crazy person that Ive been for so long.
谢谢,
乔丹

我已经结婚4个月了。我的丈夫是我的梦中情人，我从未想过我会配得上他。我从来不觉得我配得上像他这样的人(以一种好的方式)。随着时间的推移，我注意到他喝酒越来越多，愤怒的程度也越来越高。我怀疑他有一些未确诊的创伤后应激障碍(他是一名海军陆战队战斗老兵)和未确诊的抑郁症(由于14年前在一场车祸中失去了他的哥哥)，而且我知道，根据他母亲告诉我的，他的酗酒和愤怒源于那些悲惨的生活事件。这两件事他都没得到过帮助，他承认自己把问题藏在心里。他答应我不会嫁给一个酒鬼(我真傻，竟然相信了他)。他很难找到自己喜欢的工作，我知道他很沮丧，因为他觉得自己没有尽到自己的责任。但他没有承认，也没有为此做点什么，而是表现得像个“成年人”，闷闷不乐，整天喝酒睡觉(“成年人”这个词加了引号，因为在大多数情况下，我认为他表现得像个自私的孩子)。
不知道什么原因，婚礼之后，事情就变了。他说我是他酗酒的原因，然后情况变得更糟了，还有他的愤怒。在过去的两个月里，他攥紧拳头，低声嘟囔，变成了言语攻击——从“你真是个唠叨鬼”开始，变成了“你个混蛋，去你妈的”。这周，实际上是在过去的48小时里，我把他对我说过的伤人的话列了一个清单，一部分是为了给我们的辅导员看，一部分是为了在他不记得或试图否认自己说过的话的时候提醒他。
周日(节选，并非全部列出)——我恨你……你想知道为什么你永远不能留住一个男人…如果我早上就死了，那是你的错…你是个该死的人……
星期一——你太讨厌了……走开，因为这就是我希望你做的…你会害死我的…
今天——你是我生存的祸害……你是个骗子……来吧，像个5岁小女孩一样给你妈妈打电话…你是个非常非常可怕的人……你这个恶毒的混蛋……最好的是什么?"我要回家朝自己的脸开一枪让你看着"
这种情况让我很伤心。当然，他说的那些难听的话让我很受伤，尤其是一天比一天糟糕，但我知道他不是故意的。他很愤怒，显然受到了很多事情的伤害，但我们无法沟通。他喝酒是为了缓解痛苦，他自己也知道。我没法让他去寻求帮助。我找到了一位绅士他在战争中经历了同样的创伤，但他不愿和他说话。他有医生办公室的电话号码，但他不打。我为他安排了面试，投了简历，但他不会自己去。我一周工作6天来处理我们所有的账单和责任，而我得到的回报是言语上的辱骂。
我只是想发泄一下。感觉完全迷失和无助。我希望我不是一个人。

我结婚4个月的丈夫一直对我恶语相向，从未对他对待我的方式表现出任何悔恨或关心的迹象。我单身了12年，只为等待一个能与我共度一生的男人，但我想做的就是跑得越远越好。他总是若无其事地继续，责怪我对我的恶劣态度。我是一个非常自信的女性，我付出了代价才有了今天的成就，但我的一切都被贬低和不尊重。我试图强调他的优点，希望他能改变，但当你坚信那不是你的时候，你怎么能改变呢?他在他的家人面前诋毁我。一开始我很震惊，我用言语进行了报复，但今天的我不是这样的人，所以我退出了他的无知。昨晚，我决定我应该得到更好的，于是就放手了，但出于某种原因，我为他感到难过，只是不足以维持这段婚姻。我以前从未有过这样的关系，我太爱我自己了，以至于继续被不尊重。在你一无所有之前，带着你仅有的一点尊严离开吧。

自从我离开那个言语上和性上虐待我的前任已经8个月了。我感觉比遇到他之前好多了，我知道这是可能的，因为我相信上帝和基督无条件的爱，恢复了对我的爱。和你们大多数人一样，我的前任从一开始就非常迷人。我们是异地恋，第一次见面时，他从美国飞到伦敦来看我。和索尔比在一起的那一周很神奇，他很浪漫，我简直不敢相信我是多么幸运，能找到像他这样的人。随着时间的推移，事情开始逐渐发生变化。我注意到他很容易爆发，会说一些伤人的话。一开始我只是把这当做普通夫妻之间的争吵我们以他在工作中面临的压力为借口，因为他是住院医生。随着时间的推移，他开始迫使我通过Skype向他暴露自己的性，即使他知道我不舒服。我们从一开始就谈过性，我明确表示我要为婚姻而保留自己。他会问我“你正常吗?” , were you abused? " etc because he couldn't understand why I didn't want to get intimate with him. I really liked him and I sometimes I'd partly undress in front of him i guess to prove to him and myself that i did have sexual desires as well even though i was keeping them in check. All of this was happening remotely as we were in different cities. Other times when we had fights and he was angry, he would call me a selfish person, tell me i knew nothing about love. I never responded back aggressively to him because his words always took me by surprise and i wasn't raised to speak to people in that manner so i always found it hard to understand why he would speak to me that way and yet tell me that he highly regarded and respected me. Sometimes it was my fault he got upset, he'd tell me that i said something that reminded me of his ex or tuned him the wrong way. I believed him and so gradually i started watching my words and wondering each time we argued what I'd done to set him off. It was mostly always something I'd done and not him. I'll admit that some of our arguments were also due to my having a strong personality and firm opinions which clashed with his.
最后，当我去看他时，情况急转直下。我们一起去度假，他为没有和他睡觉而悲伤，告诉我尽管我和他在一起，他仍然感到孤独，我没有向他表达爱意等等。我感觉糟透了!有一天，他一整天都对我很冷淡，几乎不和我说话。我试着安抚他，让他相信我爱他，但对他来说，爱意味着和他做爱。不过，这还不是他们关系中最糟糕的部分。当我表现得像个婊子，告诉我去死吧，说上帝禁止他娶像我这样的人，当着我的面说脏话，说女人让他烦死了等等，我知道我必须结束这段关系。
我曾经是一个自信的职业女性，但已经认不出自己了。我曾经问过自己，我怎么会在那段关系中结束。当我鼓起勇气结束这段关系时，我已经一团糟了。我知道我需要摆脱它，重新发现自己，但他也需要帮助，而这不是我能给予的。问题是，我们大多数女性错误地认为我们可以改变施虐者，我们说服自己，他们需要我们，我们爱他们，他们是好人，也许如果我们能让他们知道他们所说的或所做的是错误的，他们就会改变。可悲的是，这都是施虐者操纵我们心理的一部分。大多数施虐者不会改变，直到他们意识到自己的行为从根本上是错误的。一个人只能换自己认识的戒指，可悲的是，很多人都不会换，因为戒指已经根深蒂固，成为他们性格的一部分。在很长一段时间里，我为自己的离开感到内疚，我一直在想，也许这并没有那么糟糕，我反应过度了，但让我意识到糟糕的是，我再也认不出自己了。良好的人际关系会丰富你，而不是削弱你。 So ask yourself this question putting emotions aside - do you feel enriched by your partner in every way or do you feel bad about yourself?
如果你正在读这篇文章，并怀疑自己处于一段被虐待的关系中，那么你很有可能就是这样。你的精神告诉你你的思想拒绝接受什么。你可能认为不管出于什么原因，你都不可能离开，但要知道，继续维持这段关系，你将继续像一块积木一样被一点一点地凿开，你并没有帮助施虐者，他也需要专业的帮助。如果他愿意寻求建议，而你又不愿意放弃，那就去寻求帮助。但如果他不是，你要知道即使你离开了他，你也会没事的。刚开始可能很可怕，但随着时间的推移，你会找到继续前行的力量，来自朋友、爱人的爱和支持，还有你的信仰(如果你有的话)。这是我的亲身经历，我希望我的故事能鼓励读者。

我恨我十年的伴侣。他花了8年时间打我。他已经有18个月没打我了，但言语上的辱骂还在继续。我们有两个孩子，连孩子都不喜欢他。我想我已经准备好收工了。我和孩子们有地方要去。最后一根稻草，我想，是三周前，当我去看医生，因为我感觉很不舒服。医生叫了一辆救护车把我送到医院，在那里我因肺炎和哮喘引起的急性呼吸窘迫被关了一个星期。我打电话给我的搭档，告诉他我的全科医生已经为我叫了救护车。他的回答是:“你不能把车停在医生的手术室外，你这个愚蠢的女人，你会收到一张停车罚单的。” One day after I came out of hospital, still weak and on a lot of medication, he threw me and the kids out of the house. Luckily I have somewhere to go. Within a couple of days he'd wheedled his way back in with me. However, soon the nastiness crept back in. He's very angry with me for being too ill to sexually service him. He burned some rubbish in the garden that I'd been asking him to do for over a year, and expected me to have sex with him to thank him. I have told him that I don't want to have sex with him because I don't feel the same way about him as I used to, because of all the terrible things he's done to me in the past. I laughed, and he said "Why are you laughing? I don't think this is very funny!" I told him it's funny because he just doesn't get it. You reap what you sow. You do things that make me hate you, and then have the gall to act like the wounded party when you get back the monster that you created. He keeps saying things like I should stop being so selfish, and start putting him first. Yeah, of course, I'd be sooooo much happier if I did that. He says it's not fair, he's stopped hitting me, so I should be making an effort to make him happy and show him some affection. Oh dear, that horse has long gone my friend. I DON'T LOVE YOU ANY MORE!!! You are ugly inside, and that's all I see now. Plus you smell like a tramps underpants. The only trouble is, I pity him, I feel so sorry for him. He's got an eye disease and is going blind. That's why I keep going back, because I know he can't cope without me, and even though I wish him dead 100 times a day, I'm not so much of a bitch that I'd leave him starve. He's asked me to get him a fuck buddy now lol! He asked me the same thing before, when I was pregnant with our first child, because my pregnant body repulsed him. And now it's him that repulses me. Doesn't feel so good now the shoes on the other foot, does it??? (BTW I didn't get him a fuck buddy back then and I'm not going to now!) I just can't understand why he keeps wanting to ressurrect this relationship, when I have been honest with him about how I feel, when I've told him I don't love him, don't want him, and am not prepared (or able) to forget the past. Where is his pride??? What kind of person would keep pestering a woman for sex when she's told him straight she doesn't want him, because he is an abuser, physical and emotional. Why won't he just leave me alone???

我嫁给了一个辱骂我的男人。他从不出错。如果他做了什么事，他永远不会向我道歉。他会大喊大叫，然后放下电话(有时会关机)。最后，我会为了和平而道歉。如果他愿意，他可以成为一个非常好的人，但下一分钟就可能变成一个怪物。我非常爱他，不知何故，我觉得他知道我爱他，因此他利用了我对他的爱。他对我不忠不止一次。问题是，尽管我很想离开，但我又害怕又尴尬，真的没有精力从头再来。我需要你帮我怎么才能在吵架后不跑回去找他? how do i stop relying on him to make me happy? how do i become confident again? i financially taking care of myself as im working.

我13岁，我男朋友16岁，我们在一起几个月了，一开始他很贴心，但后来他开始说我傻，我告诉他我不喜欢这样，这样伤害了我，他说他真的很抱歉，不是故意的，所以我原谅了他，但他又这样做了，每次都道歉，就像一个无休止的循环，就是这种言语虐待

我是4个孩子的母亲，我和我丈夫分开了10个月，只分开生活了6个月。6月份我让他自己找地方住，他只给了30天。30天过去了，我问他在做什么，又过了30天……最后家里的争吵闹得很尴尬，我给他订了一张回他姐姐家的单程票。在他外出时，他的朋友们给了他一个号码，我当时不知道。我们决定分手，因为我们觉得这是一场不断重演的噩梦。我也为他做了一切，但他并不感激我所做的任何事情或我买的东西。在我花了600多美元买的东西上，他总是把东西弄坏，说“反正它很便宜”。我会很生气。说因为你没付钱，所以很便宜! Let someone break something of his n the whole neighborhood can hear it. Well i went out with a guy, who asked me out. I have never had anyone shiow me such chivalry, i thought that was dead. I told my husband when he flew in. This was december. In february we decided to take it slow n reconcile. Well i checked the phone records n he had a girlfriend, he met at a bar on his going away night. I questioned why he did t tell me n i was honest n he blatantly lied about having anyone. He had her for almost 6 months. Well we still moved forward putting it behind us. Now 10mths later n im am still getting the verbal attacks of me being a hoe, bitch, im just as dumb as i look n he shoulda never came bk, he hates me. Fuck my family n my raggedy ass sister, who took him in when he had no place to go. Tells my mother to fuck off, i am scandalous. We have been together 11yrs minus the 10mth separation. He tells me im lying all the time about where i go n im at my mothers. He brings up the guys name i told him about n says go run n tell jo about this, when he choked me. Oh did i mention that he threw me down n kicked me around before, now im starting to get choked n then he told me if he finds out im cheating or have a boyfriend, he is going to kill me n thats a promise. This was on Valentines night. I am scared n i dont know what to do. I just told him that i cant be with anyone who thinks of me that way. He says he just said that because he was mad, but he says it everytimes hes mad n i always feel like shit, but i put on a good happy front to my family n friends. I sometimes wish me n my kids can go to sleep n wake up in a better place. Any advice?

需要帮助:(:(

我男朋友一开始对我很好。他真的很照顾我，对我很殷勤。他现在有时还会这么做。恋爱初期，他会发脾气，还经常骂人……对着狗，对着汽车，因为他踩到脚趾了……我不太喜欢它，但每个人都有缺点。它已经发展到一个相当可怕的水平。上周他还说他恨我，昨天他还说“f…“我希望你把你的头冲到马桶里去”，然后他就把我甩了。在关于如何度过这一天的分歧之后，他对我大发脾气，说我的鞋子在地板上，我早上有一部分时间都在fb上(我也打扫了不少)。 The shaming hurt the most and I just went to bed and couldn't really get up again. He started in on the apology cycle again and I just can't do it again. It was obvious and he started saying I should move out "someone will take me in", of course he tries to reverse it all and make up and I just keep telling him the way he talks to me is demoralizing, people who love each other cannot say those things. I don't want another apology. It has to stop. He did not like this at all. I just stuck to it. That is all I would really say, "no one deserves to be talked to that way". He left for a week. Hopefully money is coming together and I can buy a trailer and be gone by the time he gets home unless a serious therapy or self improvement commitment is made. Would love some support. I am pretty alone.

我在一段被虐待的关系中生活了30年。我正准备离开他。我有两天时间搬出我们的家。我的大人/孩子们在帮忙。但我很害怕他在言语上把我打倒，直到我完全崩溃。从那以后，我一直病得不能上班。关于喝酒的评论非常正确。它有助于麻痹揪心的疼痛。作为一个成年人，我从来没有独自一人或独自被爱过。我真的很害怕，不知道如何独自开始新生活。

我爸爸也被虐待，但害怕说些害怕被打的话

和我男朋友在一起8年了——他做出了承诺，却没有遵守，对他的承诺撒了谎，被他的谎言当场识破，当他面对他时，他说这是我的想象，我需要精神药物，我有精神问题等等……嗯,也许;因为我拒绝妥协我的原则来满足他的青少年色情瘾。我的信念不会为了保护我12岁的儿子而迁就他的毒瘾。由于我和他的父亲离婚了(用MBA语言辱骂我，教我3岁的儿子在他叫我MFB时模仿他等等……我儿子视我男朋友为他的父亲。
所以，上次我发现他在公共场合挑衅地看着年轻女孩时，我失控了，狠狠地揍了他一顿(在我孩子睡着后，这是一场相当激烈的争吵);然后我玩了‘想象，戏剧，等等……卡在他身上。我所做的是可怕和错误的。回想起来，我的脾气因为多年来仅次于色情和他利用的不安全感而爆发。他知道我的脆弱，利用了我的信任、慷慨和家庭。是的，他能够用狡猾的言语评论来填补不安全感(你脸上的毛孔很大，你45岁的时候需要做乳房手术，抱怨我缺乏美食品味，对大多数事情缺乏了解)。
哦，是的，我没有提到他支付一笔账单(65美元的互联网账单)，我支付其余的。他确实做出了贡献，但确保工作只完成了85%(例如;会拖地，但“忘记”一个房间，所以我必须回去做)，然后告诉我我疯了b/c我很挑剔。WTF，我是超然的，但厌倦了他的矛盾，我只是把它都挂起来。所以当我回答说，一个真正的男人会比彼得·潘好，这是不好的。
期待您的建议、评论和/或问题。
谢谢你的宝贵时间。
ShannonB

7年来，我和一个我觉得虐待我的男人在一起。他批评我做的每一件事，无论是育儿，我的长相，我的走路方式，每天(在我的孩子们面前)叫我脏话，对我们的大女儿也很卑鄙，因为我们的小女儿是他的最爱。他把我按倒在地，当着他们的面掐死我，威胁要割开我的喉咙，吃我的肉，威胁要绞死我的大哥(!)，用武士刀威胁我。他还非常自私，懒惰，对我指手画脚，告诉我该做什么。当我怀孕7个月时，我因肺炎肺萎陷，他对我大喊大叫，因为我几乎无法呼吸，我让他给我打电话叫救护车。我试着和他谈过，他说他“知道他很可怕，但是……”好像是我的错一样。我甚至不再回答他，因为我害怕如果我这样做会发生什么。我知道我是一个好人，他还没有把我打出来(没有双关的意思)，但我感到很失落和孤独。他不在的时候，我每天都会哭，但我不是因为他对我做的事而哭，我是为我的孩子们哭。我非常想离开，但我害怕他会做出可怕的事情。我也没有钱，而且负债累累，因为他很少在经济上帮助我。当我读到这样的东西时，它帮助我知道我并不孤单，但我已经到了山穷水尽....在过去的3个月里，我瘦了2英石半，因为它最近似乎真的升级了。然而我知道我必须离开，因为我应该得到更多。我知道我有一颗善良的心和一个善良的本性，我永远不会伤害任何人。我的问题是，身无分文，还有两个不到六岁的孩子，该如何生活下去。

我读了这些条目，被那些为了掩盖自己的伤害、痛苦、羞耻和羞辱而酗酒的人的数量所震惊。饮酒是我们内心深处某种东西的症状，我们拼命想要逃避。
所有这些条目都令人心碎。尤其是那些允许另一个人从你身上夺取权力和控制的人——你开始听那些恶毒和有辱人格的谎言。
想想你的孩子们，他们依靠你成为坚强的那个人，想想你年迈的父母，他们无休止地担心你可能处于糟糕的境地。
你可能永远无法改变那个折磨你的人——但你有能力改变自己，重新掌控自己的生活。
有时候我们只需要一小步一小步地开始改变。

回应“绝望”词条-
从个人经验来看，我可以告诉你这家伙会继续他的行为
虐待只会升级。
请意识到你不能解决这个家伙-爱你自己，最重要的是想想你未出生的孩子-你的孩子应该生活在这样一个虐待和有毒的环境中吗?
请不要走，而是要逃离这个家伙——他真的听起来像是准备好了，愿意并且有能力对你和你未出生的孩子采取暴力行动。
我会为你们俩祈祷——祝你们好运，愿你们有幸福的一天。

我和我的前任分居了，但我认为我们分开后的关系更好，是最好的朋友，因为我们在一起的时候他很虐待人，直到最近，这真的很有效。他有很强的情感虐待倾向，他觉得朝我扔东西、推我、戳我都不算虐待。圣诞节到了，他和我还有他的孩子们在一起过圣诞节。今天他骂我荡妇，贱人，推我，用枕头砸我的脸，敲我的头听我说话，把一切都怪在我头上，让我难堪，弄坏东西。问题是，如果我哭了，他会大吵大闹，如果我说错了什么，他会大吵大闹，当着整个邻居的面把孩子们抓起来，说我半夜把他们赶出去了。他会告诉所有人是我干的。我还有两周时间才能回家，因为我们要去他家度假。我只能忍着，直到他的孩子们回家。我儿子要走了，所以我很高兴他没事。他的家人只会怪我。 I hate this caus I have no where to go and cry

我和我丈夫在一起15年了，我们有4个儿子。15岁，13岁，5岁和1岁。在过去的十年里，我被人叫过书中所有的名字。打了那么多次，我都不记得了。我的大儿子想在他爸爸掐我的时候把我拉出来!我的13号抱起我年幼的孩子躲了起来。我的孩子们也受到了打击。每天都要放下。我们失去的是家。我没有帮手。 Everyone worships my husband. They all see the good side. My life is all a front, i see my shrink every month, I'm on diazapam, nexium for my stomach ulcers. Im always crying, or upset lashing out at all the wrong people. I block everything out and do nothing. I don't sleep, i don't eat! My husband says i always run away! I lost 30 lbs in 1 week. I don't know what i do that is so wrong, i do everything im told to do my older boys lash out at me and blame me for my mistakes i really dont know what to do. I would not attempt to kill myself. I have my boys to live for i have no words to explain how i feel any more.

哦，我的天，我不是一个人，你们很多人都有虐待关系!我已经在其中呆了6年，试图摆脱，但这很难，因为我犯了一个错误，和他住在一起，放弃了我的家，他们因为他的虐待而失去了工作。然后无家可归，进了b和b，因为复仇已经满了，然后租了一个房间，我也来了!作为惩罚，他把我的狗送人了，还烧了我的东西!他折磨我找了个新女人很快就把我弄瘸了他离开了，而我一无所有!我回去了，因为我再也受不了了
妈妈得了老年病，所以我找不到工作。因为没有孩子，我没有被列为优先住房。我也没有家人也没有朋友，因为他多年前就把他们赶走了。我以为他会改变我现在被困在2只猫和两只狗和更多的虐待他们没有改变!!!!!我46岁了，感情上已经死了。他有一份很好的工作，而我只是他的仆人!多么美好的生活!!!!

我非常同意你关于超然的观点，当我意识到那是他而不是我的时候，我就开始对自己感觉更好了，意识到这不是你的问题，是他们的问题，无论你做什么，都是他们的问题，你无法改变他们或他们正在做的事情，这真的很重要，你只能改变自己的行为，选择远离语言垃圾是救赎的重要一步，也是重建自尊的好地方。

我一直机智我男朋友三年一开始他是他爱的n次开始叫我的名字n将锁定他的电话指责我作弊之后我发现他欺骗我智慧我所谓的女老乡所以温家宝我发现我翻n我揍他,破坏他的车她踢我出去n我开始看到别人他生气甚至doe智慧其他女孩睡他现在叫我各种各样的名字一起回到n他带来了哥们的名字n说他可以做得更好me we recently had a baby n he leaves me n da house with the kids n his daughter that ain't even mine n sometimes he don't come home n wen i ask him about he gets mad n spaze im always the one left crying I don't know wat to do anymore and I love him to death

我的丈夫仍然在我的孩子面前辱骂我，我该如何面对他