在阅读和观看视频和回应后，我知道我的丈夫是一个施虐者，他可能做了煤气灯的事情，现在仍然在做。他抽大麻，我也抽，这让事情变得很混乱。我终于告诉他一切(又)结束了……他把我打得遍体鳞伤，眼青鼻肿。但这一直都是我的错。我很容易原谅，但不能放手，当我终于感到舒服，认为我们在正确的轨道上时，他再次向我证明他的承诺是空洞的。他告诉我他爱我，但爱不应该是伤害，我也不应该有爱我的感觉。我现在很坚强，当我终于受够了的时候，我总是这样，但几天后，我就会屈服，循环又会开始。我终于注意到上一个循环的结束和开始，并对自己说，我又开始了这个循环。我一生都在这样的关系中，我的母亲，我的父亲(他对我施暴)，我的女儿和模仿他们父亲的儿子…… I am 44, married 4 times and have been with emotional abusers my whole life, but other than my father, no other man has put their hands on me like my abusive husband. He even spit in my face during one of our really bad physical fights. I had accidentally scratched his face when he came at me, and that was it. I ended up with two black eyes, a busted nose and lip and a huge hematoma on my calf where he kept punching me, as I was grasping for air after defending his blows to my face... I was gasping for air, he was punching away. Who does that? I definitely have PTSD from his abuse, my father's abuse and from my grandfather's sexual molestation from a little child. Before my husband, I worked full time as a nurse, had my own house I purchased on my own and two cars, one for me, paid off and one for my abusive son, who also tried to physically abuse me. When my husband got with me and found out about that, he kicked my son out when he started to be disrespectful to him. I felt my husband saved me from my disrespectful children, but he totally ruined my life. I have about 60thousand in debt right now, tons of creditors calling me daily. What I do have are good friends who understand what I'm going through and helping me, in my time. My family quit speaking to me after they tried to help me and I went back to him. In a way, it's better, I would rant about what he did to me, and then he'd gaslight... I love you, I'm sorry.... Then the cycle starts. They couldn't see me, can't see me like I am. I hope I stay away from him for good.