i have been dealing with the beast since 06. havent given enough of a crap to do a thing till now. i realized i have a girlfriend i am very much in love with, but i havent been able to meet my needs in the fight against panic and insomnia. they exhaust any resources ive tried to reserve for sex. i hate to even mention but the idea can be terrifying to me. i just want to hide from my lover, because talking can only hurt. i dont know what a guy is supposed to do? but i know if this keeps up i will be dealing with this issue alone. that would be tantamount to suicide right now. I honestly cant say that would be a bad idea. last time id have to explain this completely embarrassing failure as a human. i am in counseling currently, but am very frustrated with my lack of progress. the mental health system seems (while better then nothing) ill equipped to handle issues like this medicinally or holistically. im still going to give it my best, but my best sucks.