God bless all of you wonderful strong souls from the time i was 9 till i turned 12 my stepdad, 6’4” 250 something, would close fisted punch me and kick i was a scrawny kid so it wasn’t difficult for him to knock me sensless but i never showed him i was afraid and it made him furious often times as soon as i got home from school i would get a beating for one bs reason or another My mom had no family nearby and 4 kids so my guess is she was scared to do anything which boggles my mind as a father or parent our lives are forfeit when our childrens are at risk My 12th bday, round there, i went into his room with a butcher knife an woke him up with it pressed into his neck, i told him i was big enough now to kill him and he would not be hurting any of us again, ever He left less than a month later and was quickly arrested My sisters never truly dealt with tht trauma and my personal way of dealing was to sleep with random women, drink and beat up assholes i used fighting as therapy until i went too far one night I use to enjoy it but something changed in me and I remember instantly feeling guilt, remorse and sadness for the dmg i had caused to this guy I did alot of bad stuff and led a self destructive life UNTIL my beautiful wife was placed in my path of life I never cared to change for someone and i did it without question when she requested it It was a demand more so, and it was simple and to the point “if you keep you keep your current lifestyle you will not be a part of mine” i didnt even blink right there i made a promise to myself tht i would never treat her or the kids we would have in an abusive manner ever If i cant get my point across without hitting someone its probly not worth having to begin with We all need at least one good honest reliable person when it comes to dealing with old wounds and past trauma even going outside alone and speaking to no one is a vital emotional release If the person we choose to bring into our darkest parts of the mind can know all the things weve done to try an cope and still be loyal, supportive and understanding then we have successfully started the coping/healing process I hid my past for a loooong time to avoid pity and extra attention, which i dont like to begin with, to myself Plz plz keep in mind we will never be burdened with more than we handle Whether its a kind gesture decades down the road tht led us to tht exact moment we have been through it and survived when most others would not It is a true testament to the fortitude of the human spirit and wht it can recover from Do everything in your power to look at the pain and daily struggles as another chance to help someone or yourself I have been happily married 12 yrs with a beautiful daughter and everything i went through led me here Had even one small detail turned out different my path would not have set me in front of my wife Remember how strong you all are for carrying on even when the daily torment tempts us to kill the pain with counterproductive measures We broken and strong spirited are all worthy of being loved we just need to choose to let it happen i battle severe ptsd flashbacks from my early adulthood and childhood Nightmares, anxiety and always on edge ive also had a fractured skull and two concussions before the age of 18 which has caused many problems in my general day to day life and activities but looking at my wife and child always reignites the strength i thought i used up. wanting companionship or friendship even is wht drives us humans to rise above trying times with an inner resolve tht is impervious to outside influences tht cause erosion of the wonderful gift we have been blessed with We may not always see why right off but if u live right and help others you are slowly and steadily reclaiming any part of yourself tht u felt has been taken away To help others selflessly is direct healing for the soul which in turn radiates through our mind and body We are not promised tomorrow or even the rest of today so make every moment count tht you may be free of regrets Personal regrets do not matter in the end only how we treated those in need, pain, suffering The character of a person is easily determined by their actions when no one is watching A good person does good regardless of an audience or not, keep ur heart and mind open my friends and be grateful for every blessing we get and dont deserve God bless all of you i wish you the best of this new year Love and respect