我希望我能挣脱束缚我多年来一直用吸毒来掩盖我的精神疾病....大量使用冰毒，就像一种情况，我不需要付钱，所以我每天使用2 -2个半球，必须感觉正常……我是外向友好的正常时高. ...我每13天睡1天，然后再休息，长话短说....我差点因为兴趣而死。科林破裂了……经历了12个小时的手术…失去了5英尺的兴趣。6英寸的结肠…在那之后不久，联邦调查局以阴谋论威胁我，我在医院戒毒了一个月左右....我听到的声音似乎是女性的声音，似乎是最友好的……然后是低沉的声音，听起来很邪恶，让我告诉你，我吓到了我，我不出声……所以我想…但我发现身边的人都能看出来。因为他们会问你还好吗…我得出的结论是，联邦调查局在控制我，因为他们无法让我的朋友为我作证……然后有一天，一个女人的声音说，你知道马克，他告诉你的那些关于杀死你家人的事情。他是对的，他会给你天堂般的奖励，然后让他们去另一边……他们告诉我我们在他现在儿子…我想开枪自杀……the gun miss fired my son walked in wrestled me to ground...went to mental hospital...in there I got to where I'd watch T.V.it was on spot with thought.process even radio I couldn't escape...even the nursse and staff were talking about me plotting...I had dark secret of sexual abuse of alcoholic stepdad had done to me for decade's I had never told a soul about..he told me he kill my mom and little brother...I'm now convince I am the reason it happened...he call me pussboy and queer ...I got in to drug seem I was emotion free I climbed rank fast to enforcement I kick in doors and collect .I fear nothing never shed a tear...now I see counsel and was like he knew...I have of all souls Jesus after me so I tell all...I'm dign.paranoid scitz.border line soacal disorder...cause abuse went on 9 years I have PTSD and insomnia...I get well med.and do fine for 12 yr.I get to paranoid to leave house to see doc.anxiety of chart so I better don't need to go back...guess what I am doing meth again to maintain ....I just want it to leave me alone