我处于非常不寻常的情况。我和丈夫在一起过着一半的生命 - 我们15岁时见面了。我怀孕了7个月，结婚了，从那以后一直是一场噩梦。我不止一次离开，但总是回去。起点几年在身体和情感上都是最糟糕的。上次我离开后，情况变得更好了，并且已经有一段时间了。我以为他实际上爱我，会有所不同。我离开时做了一些事情，例如在比赛之外约会，他讨厌。过了一会儿，他开始问有关那个特定时间的问题，甚至要我多次要求我再做一次。我认为这是某种陷阱。我乞求了几年，然后终于选择了它。 I didn't enjoy it at first, it was weird and I struggled. I kept at it because I always want to make him happy, I never really succeed. He made it seem like all I needed to do was this or that, and I'd try...I would, but many times it wouldn't work out the way things were planned. All my fault! Now 3 years later, I thoroughly enjoy going out because I get from them what I've never gotten from him. The last time, it didn't work as planned, and he flipped out...keep in mind, he flips out over small things the kids do, not getting his way over every little thing, me not sticking to an oral pleasure schedule he set up years ago as well...there is no end to what makes him mad. Anyway, since the last time, a few weeks ago, the verbal assualt has really picked up. Idk what to do anymore. We have 4 children, ages 14, 13, 11, and 6, and they know he's an ass, they see and hear him being abusive, he's even mean to them at times, not physically, but it hurts my heart. They deserve better, I deserve better. I'm just terrified of leaving and not being able to support my babies, or of him really hurting me or them. He hates when I refuse to engage in arguments, when I shut down, but I can't help it...I don't do well with conflict, i freeze, terrified of what's next...is he going to hurt Me? Hurt the kids? What do I say or do? Just this morning he was at me about missing my night last night...my night to perform oral on him, but he fell asleep before 7pm! I got up this morning to try and fix it and even made breakfast for him, but he wasn't having any of it. Idk why I'm even writing this, no one can possibly be in the exact same situation and offer advice.