每天早上我醒来眼泪近。我这是第一次承认任何,除了我自己。我得出结论,这生命损失。失去童年,失去清白,失去心爱的家人,失去心爱的宠物,失去了青春,失去目标,失去兴趣。这都是损失。我醒来,期待晚上睡觉。我尽早去睡觉,我起床只有当我不能睡一分钟。我独自一人,但这并不困扰我。出去要想起世界上60 +是多么沮丧。世界正在改变,把我抛在后面。 I'm terrified of what lies ahead for me. . death. I don't notice how much the world has changed, if I just stay home. I crochet to gain peace and I have a room full of crocheted blankets, throws, shawls, etc. I used to try to tell people about my depression, but there is no quicker way to lose a friends (another loss) then to mention it or that you are/have been experiencing it for years. So, I hide it. I cry when I'm alone. Nobody wants to know how I REALLY feel, so I hide it. I did try meds for awhile, but they were so expensive, I had to stop, cold turkey. That was the worst part of my life. I decided that handling it myself, was better that medications and their side effect and the price! And so the world goes on and I trudge along with it. I have two forms of release: sleep & crocheting. My best friends are my pets. Not even my husband wants to hear about my depression. so, I feel like I'm constantly 'on stage' with a smile plastered on my face. This is the first place where I've admitted all this.