生活是随机的，每个人都有自己的梦想。但我们所生活的这个世界的残酷现实，对大多数人来说，这就是他们的一切，只是梦想。我在一个充满暴力的家庭中长大，我的母亲是个酒鬼，我经历过和看到过一些事情，这些事情在我小时候给我带来了很多痛苦。我父亲总是在外工作，但我相信这是他逃避母亲对他的虐待的方式。妈妈在我十岁的时候离开了我和我的小弟弟，我弟弟三岁。她离家出走让我很伤心。我的爸爸仍然一直在工作，我的弟弟由我的阿姨照顾，我大部分时间都是一个人，变得非常悲伤和害怕。在我十几岁的时候，我开始喝酒，最后变成了一个讨厌的人，经常打架，经常惹麻烦。我一直都很生气。我曾多次被送进精神病院，多年来一直服用抗精神病药物，这让我除了麻木什么都感觉不到。 When i was 26 i had a daughter and i stopped drinking and have never touched a drop since. Now in my late 30s i have very little, no job, money or friends. People have not forgotten my drinking years and it follows me around under whispers. I do feel ashamed and embarrassed of the person i was. I feel sad and sleep 18 hours a day every day often 24 hours. I never eat just maybe once every two days. The last 3 months i have stopped taken my medication because i cant afford to be asleep because i have responsibility's a daughter! But everything feels worse now. I've slept 36 hours have had nothing to eat for over 4 days. I am going to my doctor later today to basically be put back to sleep with some meds. I wish the doctors could give me a reason why i feel like this. I want to live life awake but its to painful. Sleep is peace but at what cost?