我有了,我不认为自己是“倍数”,我看到自己是支离破碎的。我有严重的健忘症性虐待的童年的我的父亲和我妈妈遗弃的4岁。这是我父亲的年龄开始了他的残忍,残忍的攻击我,它持续了多年。的唯一原因,我说这是因为我的创伤在早期开始前我有时间开发一个坚实的身份。在4岁时,我清楚地记得分裂有意识地从我的身体。一旦我离开她,她痛苦的哭声停了下来,失忆的事件。我看到我的身体走出壁橱里没有我。我没有“多重人格”,我叫不同的名字,因为所有中断部分都是我。每个部分有创伤性记忆和他们被困在时间。这些零件是区分。 Once I recall and process the traumatic event and work through it, this part eventually become integrated. OH, it's not easy by any means. And, it does not make me happier either, it makes me sadder. I grieve for the loss of my childhood and for the lonely, traumatized little girl that I was. The process of recalling each assault is traumatic in itself and I disassoicate all over the place. I have terrible visual and auditory disturbances. When these parts of me are awakened they talk and behave different from who I am today BUT they are still all me, just at different ages. It baffles me that people can create personalities that they never were in life. How can a female have a male personality, or a stripper personality, if that person never was these things? I'm not saying it can't happen but that it is so different than my own experience. My mother left us when I was 4. My father began molesting me very hatefully at 4, and almost every day. Plus, he was selling me and my little sister to other men, repeatedly. He murdered a little girl in front of us, he murdered a woman in our house and had me help carry her body to the trunk of the car wrapped in a rug. So. If anyone should have "multiples" I certainly would, but I don't, I have split off parts of me with SEVERE childhood amnesia. I had no idea these things had happened to me! It was nowhere near my conscious mind until I had a nervous breakdown related to stress at work. After that, the walls I had built up around my assaults came crashing down and one by one the memories have been returning, and I have years and years of crap tucked away. And after 4 years it still isn't over.