我被诊断出患有以及大量的其他障碍我17岁时。我拒绝了大部分的诊断,特别是因为我不想有障碍的类型的污名。经过17年的治疗我住那么多生命,只有部分的记忆。我拒绝了它来保护自己。我想我认为我是。现在我是谁,我一直试图理解我为什么这么做。拒绝诊断的结论我画的是我可以拒绝耻辱和拒绝的创伤。我还没有准备好面对创伤但希望我将在时间。此时我挺身而出的唯一原因是因为最近,有人亲爱的我的心(谁住在一个不同的状态,因为我16岁)已经接近我,很生气,我遥远而忽略它们。这是我的小妹妹。 I was 6 when she was born. I raised her and kept her protected from experiencing the same trauma I was subjected to. I moved out of our mother's home when I turned 16. Our mother then took her and my brother to live out of state with her father. My protection didn't reach that far and it seemed no one cared that she'd taken them there, to a home where my mother and her 2 sisters were removed from for varying types of abuse from both of their parents. When I threatened to gain custody I was cut off from all contact for a couple of years. That's when I spiralled and split. I never knew for sure if my siblings were being abused until this year. And I don't know how to deal with it. I had worked so hard and had engrained in myself to keep them safe at all costs that I can't function normally because I failed them. The guilt is suffocating. I can't look at them without wanting to break down. I see the effects of their trauma in their lives. It breaks my heart. I wanted so much better for them. I need to let her know it's not because I don't care that I'm distant. I'm terrified how she'll take it. All of who makes me, 'me' agrees that it needs to come out. I'd rather her know the truth than her think I'm just being consciously selfish. We've always been there for her, it's just now circumstances have changed and I'm struggling to adapt.